Marks for NYR progress

NYE-R2You know how you have that week where it’s supposed to be quiet and it’s not? I’ve had two of them in a row, which is how I choose to start the analysis of how those pesky New Years Resolutions are going:

1. Draw in Journal

Michelle started well with good intentions then got sidetracked with other things and the journal she specifically bought, sized to fit in her handbag so she could carry anywhere and draw at whim, has now become a “To Do” list of sorts, featuring sporadic scribbles (usually done whilst on the phone or when listening to her online classes that she’s trying to catch up on). Disappointing. 5/10

2. Massage once a month

You’d think this would be an easy one but it has proved to take rather more thought and action than anticipated. The score so far is 2 massages over the past 4 months but she has made a booking for number 3 next week. Better than expected. 7/10

3. Body Balance/Yoga classes

Like all things, Michelle started with enthusiasm then completely lost it. However, she has started swimming laps so technically she is still doing something for her health that is relatively stress-free on her body whilst toning muscles. Of course, we wait to see how her progress goes now that cooler weather is here. Satisfactory. 8/10

4. Keep criticisms to self and give out love and acceptance

Woeful. Hardly attempted. Has resorted to yelling/sighing loudly/rolling eyes whenever Kat from MKR is on the screen. Made NIH watch Cinderella and conceded to view Fast and Furious 7 as payment. Rolled eyes so many times from implausible scenarios/terrible lines almost fainted from dizzy spells. Meanwhile, NIH was called to work halfway through movie and has asked for no spoilers, even if they come wrapped in sarcastic remarks. Tempted to give a zero but at least she is aware of her judginess even if she can’t seem to control herself. And did feel sad at dedication to Paul Walker at end of F&F7. 2/10

5. Write blog post once a week

Was doing well but has gone off the rails over the past few weeks. Blames workload. Suspect just disorganised. 7/10

6. Mini clean up/declutter once a week

Hmm. She did clean the ensuite bathroom today. And has finally got rid of the books/DVD’s/extra bibs and bobs that were marked for culling in the last clean up done 6 months ago. Fortunately NIH has done up a job board for the two young men who still live at home so perhaps future clean ups will just mean moving NIH’s shit from the dining room table to his desk. And her shit from the kitchen bench to somewhere else. She’s trying. 5/10

7. Bake Bread

Consistent effort throughout the past three months. Has settled into a pattern of baking which begins on Sunday night with getting the starter out to warm up overnight and ends on Tuesday night with baked bread out of the oven.

Number of loaves: 12
Number of times bread has been like a tasty brick that makes great crunchy toast: 10
Number of times bread has been fluffy goodness: 2
9/10 for effort

OVERALL MARK: 43/70 (61%)

That’s a pass, right?

Keeping the faith

It’s Day 4 today. Today I will find out whether we have embryos to transfer tomorrow or the poor little windowlickers have failed to keep trudging along. I’ve been here once before. We got the phone call at 3.30pm the afternoon before. The team was out before I even got a chance to bat.

Now, I’ve done my fair share of personal growth-related reading over the past 5 years about positive thinking and how we create our own universe and we chose this path long before we were born for a reason. And to be honest, I can look back and see where I did indeed manifest what I wanted.

This morning, as I watch the sunrise over this city I’ve sat stewing in over the past 5 days, far from home and my love and family, I asked myself “How?How do I stay positive? How do I manifest this little bit of creation to go my way? How do I possibly affect the universe and all it’s magic in such a manner that the outcome is in my favour?”

And you know what? By writing this blog and thinking about how I’ve done it in the past, I think I’ve found the answer.

I wanted a marriage that was loving and equal, where I didn’t feel inadequate and the ‘follower’ who had no hand in the decision making process for the family. I eventually got it but had to go through a divorce first. And I can remember thinking how I didn’t want to be married anymore … And to my shame, started acting like I already wasn’t.

When I separated I needed a good job and a community that would support me as a single parent and an opportunity came up to move back to a job in a former organisation I’d worked for in the town I’d only left 18 months ago and swore I would never return to. I started planning our move even before I got to the interview stage. I acted as if I’d already got what I wanted.

The same job three years later was stifling. It had served its purpose. The kids were grown, I had been able to financially support them, buy a car, have a credit card (yep, didn’t think the bank would give me one – so naive), take the kids on an overseas holiday. I was safe, secure, had found a loving partner who was everything I had imagined, including the reading in bed together at night (it’s the little things). I was ready to get out of that job and to try something different. So I started studying graphic design at night and on weekends.

I wanted to be free of the red tape and ridiculous bureaucracy; to be master of my workflow and able to do things I really wanted to do; explore other avenues. I knew what I needed: a financial cushion; networks from which to get clients; a supportive partner who would be happy as long as I was happy. For the 6 months before I resigned, I was working as if I’d graduated with my diploma and already left, doing jobs after hours in my home business. I sold my unit to give us that financial cushion. I acted as if I’d already got what I wanted.

The common theme in all these stories is that I started acting as if I’d already got what I wanted. And perhaps there, my friends, is the answer. Don’t worry about how it will happen. Just have faith that it will. And act as if it already has. Does this mean I start buying baby things? Do I start looking at the calendar, making sure I don’t plan any big trips for April-May next year? Maybe.

I guess with the other situations, I felt like I had some control. With this, I believe we’re relying on the magic of the universe. Maybe all it takes is buying a little baby suit today to get the ball rolling …