This post is a little personal but hell, it’s my blog and I’ll share what I want to.
The NIH and I have been trying to reproduce for *oohh* about 3 years now and so far we’ve had several failures to launch … which, if you’ve read my previous post, you’ll understand has not been gracefully received by myself.
We had one go at IVF last year and it didn’t go well. The drugs were fine. The jabbing myself or getting NIH to jab me with a needle every night was fine and the initial retrieval was pretty easy. I did get a freezer burn injury from holding an ice pack on for too long but that was just my stupidity.
However, the little guppies-to-be didn’t make it past Day 4 so we didn’t even get to transfer stage. Probably a blessing in disguise, as we had our wedding to plan in January and as a consolation prize for our trauma, we went on a 7 week honeymoon to Japan and Europe because we could.
But now we’ve recovered from the trauma; we’re back home and things are very calm and pleasant for both of us, we’ve decided to give it another go. And if this doesn’t work, we’ll look at egg donation because I’m edging over the hill and time is really running out.
I already have three grown-up children but NIH doesn’t have any and believe me when I say he deserves to be a Dad for all the right reasons 🙂 When we first started dating, he told me he wanted 5 kids. I choked on my coffee then sputtered that unless he counts my three as his and we have twins, it probably will never eventuate with me. Now that we’ve gone through 4 miscarriages and one failed IVF, he’d settle for one.
I’m often asked why I’d want to have more. since I already have three and essentially I have my life back. Sometimes, I’m not sure how to answer that myself. I guess because my kids have all grown into gorgeous young adults whom I truly love, not just as their mother but as one human being relating to another. Maybe because I’d love for NIH to experience that unshakably deep, overwhelming love and adoration of another little person even if they do decide to keep you up all night, throw up all over you and generally curtail your social life. Maybe because I felt I had at least one more child in me (metaphorically speaking) but the ex was not happy with Number 3, let alone any more. And because I want to experience raising a child with a dad who actually gives a shit about his kid and gets involved in their life.
But … how do you ask someone to donate a piece of themselves for you? My sister in law would do it no questions asked (in fact, she said exactly that when I told her) but she is only a couple of years younger than me. The doctor suggested my daughter, since she’s 22, but no. I just … I couldn’t.
I don’t have BFF’s that are under the age of 37. I have quite a few acquaintances that would qualify and one in particular who has done IVF and knows the routine. But it’s such a big thing to ask!
I don’t like asking for directions, let alone asking someone to jab themselves for two weeks then go under general anesthetic to have their eggs retrieved. I guess there’s two choices to make here – either I get over my embarrassment and humiliation … or I get NIH to do it.