Keeping the faith

It’s Day 4 today. Today I will find out whether we have embryos to transfer tomorrow or the poor little windowlickers have failed to keep trudging along. I’ve been here once before. We got the phone call at 3.30pm the afternoon before. The team was out before I even got a chance to bat.

Now, I’ve done my fair share of personal growth-related reading over the past 5 years about positive thinking and how we create our own universe and we chose this path long before we were born for a reason. And to be honest, I can look back and see where I did indeed manifest what I wanted.

This morning, as I watch the sunrise over this city I’ve sat stewing in over the past 5 days, far from home and my love and family, I asked myself “How?How do I stay positive? How do I manifest this little bit of creation to go my way? How do I possibly affect the universe and all it’s magic in such a manner that the outcome is in my favour?”

And you know what? By writing this blog and thinking about how I’ve done it in the past, I think I’ve found the answer.

I wanted a marriage that was loving and equal, where I didn’t feel inadequate and the ‘follower’ who had no hand in the decision making process for the family. I eventually got it but had to go through a divorce first. And I can remember thinking how I didn’t want to be married anymore … And to my shame, started acting like I already wasn’t.

When I separated I needed a good job and a community that would support me as a single parent and an opportunity came up to move back to a job in a former organisation I’d worked for in the town I’d only left 18 months ago and swore I would never return to. I started planning our move even before I got to the interview stage. I acted as if I’d already got what I wanted.

The same job three years later was stifling. It had served its purpose. The kids were grown, I had been able to financially support them, buy a car, have a credit card (yep, didn’t think the bank would give me one – so naive), take the kids on an overseas holiday. I was safe, secure, had found a loving partner who was everything I had imagined, including the reading in bed together at night (it’s the little things). I was ready to get out of that job and to try something different. So I started studying graphic design at night and on weekends.

I wanted to be free of the red tape and ridiculous bureaucracy; to be master of my workflow and able to do things I really wanted to do; explore other avenues. I knew what I needed: a financial cushion; networks from which to get clients; a supportive partner who would be happy as long as I was happy. For the 6 months before I resigned, I was working as if I’d graduated with my diploma and already left, doing jobs after hours in my home business. I sold my unit to give us that financial cushion. I acted as if I’d already got what I wanted.

The common theme in all these stories is that I started acting as if I’d already got what I wanted. And perhaps there, my friends, is the answer. Don’t worry about how it will happen. Just have faith that it will. And act as if it already has. Does this mean I start buying baby things? Do I start looking at the calendar, making sure I don’t plan any big trips for April-May next year? Maybe.

I guess with the other situations, I felt like I had some control. With this, I believe we’re relying on the magic of the universe. Maybe all it takes is buying a little baby suit today to get the ball rolling …