There’s a great song by Natasha Bedingfield called “Unwritten“. It’s been around for quite a while but I find myself humming it often nowadays – and not just because of our change in course. The kids have been affected somewhat by our plot twist and it’s exciting (in a nerve-wrecking-homesick kind of way) to see what they do with themselves now they’re effectively in charge of their own pens.
I’m not gonna lie – it’s been a major adjustment for me. I’ve grown used to having at least one child living with me for the past 25 years and to be suddenly living in an empty nest is just as unsettling as moving house – or country, for that matter.
I know it’s a good thing for everyone. The boys have adjusted to living together in their own bachelor pad quite well, as I knew they would. Chalk and Cheese, their various talents and personality quirks dovetail together and they’re learning the fun of rent and landlords and things breaking down and needing fixing and illness and how much spaghetti you need to cook for two people.
The girl and eldest child of the clan left home years ago but we’d still see each other regularly. We played in the same soccer team and most mornings did some form of exercise (mainly our jaws) together. Even though I’ll always be mother first, we’re friends as well.
In fact, I think I’ve managed to become friends with all three of my kids and it’s something I cherish. They are all unique in their own way, which serves to define to some extent how we relate to each other.
My eldest and only girl is quite driven, methodical and organised whilst being funny as hell and totally gorgeous to boot. She has lots of lovely friends around her and takes care (charge?) of her brothers, as a big sister tends to do. The girl and I did girl-type things together. We texted – a lot. We talked about girl stuff, office gossip and TV shows. Even now, we still text lots and I am grateful for the wonders of smartphones and wifi to maintain that contact. She’s currently whirling her way around the US and Canada on a seven week trip she and her boyfriend have planned for 18 months and having an absolute ball. I’m so pleased for her.
The middle child and first born son has always been a still pool of mystery that would occasionally allow me a glimpse of his inner depths. From an early age, he often surprised me with his analytical skills and memory. In recent years, we’ve enjoyed many deep and meaningful chats about Life, The Universe and Everything – much like I did with my dad before he passed away. I worked from home and he was studying a pre-vocational course so we had many opportunities to meet in the kitchen at some point during the day for a chinwag. I’ve really missed our discussions and his dry wit and deadpan humour over the past 12 weeks. He tells me he’s taken on the roll of Kitchen Bitch at the Bachelor Pad, working to expand his self-confessed limited repertoire of dishes and making sure he and his brother eat relatively healthily now they don’t have a mother to nag them on the perils of junk food and sugar.
The baby boy has always been a gregarious ray of sunshine and all-round people-pleaser. From a baby, he was such a happy chappy but always charging at life at 100 miles an hour, invariably winding up in trouble for some reason. Always curious, infernally loud, incredibly generous but surprisingly inciteful now that he’s hit 20. For some reason, I’ve never really worried about this kid making it through life. He’s like a rubber ball, just bouncing his way through any trials until he gets where he wants to go. I miss his energy, his smack talk and his delicious coffee. He’s a barista and a very good one at that, kind of falling into barista work after keeping me company on a course. I always knew he’d be good in hospitality as he’s quite thoughtful of others and very social.
It’s great to see them taking new steps into their own unwritten futures and coping quite well with the storylines they’re developing. But whilst I take comfort in the fact they don’t seem to need a mum anymore, it’s probably a good thing we’ve moved to another country so I can’t do a drive-by and ‘just check their work’.
As the song says “No one else can speak the words on your lips.” Without a doubt one of the hardest parenting things I’ve ever done is letting them go off to write their own books.